Today is my first 'real' day on my career break. It technically began on the 1 January and today would have been my first day back in the office.
When we are part of the hum drum of the rat race and a small cog in the machine that is (add in any other colloquialisms you see fit), we, or at least I, would dream of not working. Now that I am not working, what am I doing? Not dreaming of working but certainly having anxiety about money. It sort of defeats what I am trying to do, which is take a break, a breather and reassess. How can I do that when I sit here looking at my bank account and add up what I'll be paid for my career break and subtract what I know my monthly expenses to be and spiral quickly down into worry of 'what if'?
Do I 'need' much money? No. I know I can live on very little, I've done it before. Do I have the reassurance of a supportive partner who has a good job which would provide the both of us nothing fancy but enough to be OK? Yes. Does that assuage any fears I have? Not really.
So, what am I afraid of? Well, I like having a a job and making my own money as it represents strength as well as independence for me. I think it is important to maintain that especially when in a committed relationship as dependency on another person is something I am not built for. In addition to the pay check, I like to learn and develop relationships with people and engage my brain. I think working is the key to keeping your brain active in ways you just don't get from not having employment in some shape.
But I have to ask myself, is a corporate job for me? This is what I need to figure out as I have a sneaking suspicion and have had for a while that I am not. I am not built for bureaucracy nor am I built to be led by someone / a group of people I do not believe in.
Is inspiration too much to ask for these days? How does one 'get inspired'? Suggestions welcome!
When we are part of the hum drum of the rat race and a small cog in the machine that is (add in any other colloquialisms you see fit), we, or at least I, would dream of not working. Now that I am not working, what am I doing? Not dreaming of working but certainly having anxiety about money. It sort of defeats what I am trying to do, which is take a break, a breather and reassess. How can I do that when I sit here looking at my bank account and add up what I'll be paid for my career break and subtract what I know my monthly expenses to be and spiral quickly down into worry of 'what if'?
Do I 'need' much money? No. I know I can live on very little, I've done it before. Do I have the reassurance of a supportive partner who has a good job which would provide the both of us nothing fancy but enough to be OK? Yes. Does that assuage any fears I have? Not really.
So, what am I afraid of? Well, I like having a a job and making my own money as it represents strength as well as independence for me. I think it is important to maintain that especially when in a committed relationship as dependency on another person is something I am not built for. In addition to the pay check, I like to learn and develop relationships with people and engage my brain. I think working is the key to keeping your brain active in ways you just don't get from not having employment in some shape.
But I have to ask myself, is a corporate job for me? This is what I need to figure out as I have a sneaking suspicion and have had for a while that I am not. I am not built for bureaucracy nor am I built to be led by someone / a group of people I do not believe in.
Is inspiration too much to ask for these days? How does one 'get inspired'? Suggestions welcome!
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