What Does It All Mean?

after i let the haggis know i didnt think i could be an army wife, we [slightly] joked that the reason why he got injured at sandhurst and didnt go into the british army was because we were fated to meet.

recently, i also found out, what at the time i would classify as a friendly acquaintance who was a old work colleague, did something monstrously horrible to me a few years ago, recently recovered from stomach cancer.

for one, i believe in karma.  that is what attracts me to buddhism.  in a list, and who doesnt love a good list, buddhism can be summed up:
(1) to lead a moral life,
(2) to be mindful and aware of thoughts and actions, and
(3) to develop wisdom and understanding.

buddhism doesnt pass judgement on the thoughts and actions you have but basically believes you plant 'seeds' which come to fruition in this life or the next.

i am not perfect, far from it.  ive 'sinned' (using a catholic term) or been 'bad' or 'unskillful' (referencing the less judgemental buddhist terms) and feel ive paid for it.  hopefully i havent done anything so egregious that it comes back to haunt me for rebirth after rebirth after rebirth though!

and it isnt that i wish harm on anyone but instances like these do make me think.  this old colleague - i treated very well.  she was new to hong kong from the us office and i ensured she was included socially and tried to help her adjust to hong kong as much as i could.  over time, i realised she would not be a close friend but i kept things friendly as we worked together.  as time went on, i found out she had what appeared to be a drinking problem (which you have to stand out quite a bit in hong kong as an uber-lush to be classified as having a drinking problem) and did other things that made me wonder how unhappy she was or how low her self-esteem must be.  and later, when i found out what she did to me, my friend said to me, "you have to really hate yourself to do something like that" - referencing how low she actually stooped.

now, years later - i find out she's suffered stomach cancer, she is obese, depressive, lonely and a general sad sack - i do wonder.  i do not think what she did to me has led her to where she is today but i do think, being privy to a bit of her life and some of the choices she made while i knew her, karma can be a huge b*tch.

and that is what i like about buddhism.  make your choices in your life but deal with the outcomes - positive and negative - of your actions.  i plant 'seeds' which i hope will only grow and flourish but occasionally a bad one sneaks in ;)